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October 16, 2004
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Older Sisters and Scary Fucking Puppets

October 8, 2004

First off, links. There's a Something Positive Icons Group on LiveJournal now being run by a reader. Uh... that's all the links I have for today. I've another one for Monday, but I wanna finish something else first.

So, today is my older sister's birthday. She's thirty-four. This terrifies me for some unknown reason. It means she's an adult and, worse yet, so am I. She's not the sadistic shrew in pigtaisl who paid kids to beat me up on a playground that I knew and my parents told me I had to love. It's a weird realization.

Honestly, when I think about all the crap my sister and I pulled, I'm shocked my parents allowed us to live to adulthood. We were the poster children for the pro-Shaken Baby Syndrome movement. I know my mother's hoping I'll achieve some degree of fame so she can right some sort of tell all book. He Was Always a Rotten Child by B. Milholland. I can see it now.

One of the nicer childhood memories I have of my sister is from very early childhood. We'd wake up idiotically on weekends. I think we did it to piss our mom off. Now, on Saturday morning it made sense because there were cartoons to watch. But Sunday, we'd crawl out of our beds, march down the hall with the no-skid pads on our pajamas making that odd "skitch-skitch-skitch" sound against the floor, and plant ourselves in front of the t.v.

First there was this show on Channel 5 - I can't remember the name, but it starred these creepy balding man with a beard who read you the Sunday morning comics along with his children co-hosts, who looked very uncomfortable to be around him, I might add. Inbetween his grating renditions of Charlie Brown and puns too awful for even a four year old to not look down on were old Puppetoons and Davy and Goliath shorts. My sister liked this show a lot more than I did. Once it ended, we'd flip over to Channel 8 for Gigglesnort Hotel.

Yeah - I remember the name of this show. It's scarred into my brain.

I really liked Gigglesnort Hotel, actually. It had a lot of neat puppets on it, including a dragon puppet who smoked cigars and blew real smoke from his nostrils. Seems dorky now, but in preschool this rocked my world at the foundations.

I wasn't a clever child, you see.

I loved the old couple characters, the W.C. Fields ripoff and even the only human actors. The only aspect I didn't like was a terrifying segment in every show where a lump of clay with eyes - and the eyes changed every week - would roll itself out and demand for the human to mold it. Well, that's what the host claimed. See, the clay character mumbled incoherently so that only the host could "understand" him.

Because, you know, the idea of living clay randomly showing up on its own free will and furiously demanding to be molded isn't scary enough to a child. It needs to make these demands in a tongue you can't understand. Yeah. That's a nice touch.

As you might have guessed, this wasn't my favorite part of the show. In fact, this was usually when I lost my shit. Not literally, mind you, although there were a couple of close calls. But my sister usually figured out when the clay was about to roll out, and she'd hold my hand and keep my from panicking, thus preventing tears and unwanted carpet stains. She was a good older sister, and still is.

Happy birthday, Rhonda. I miss you. -R
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